Archive | January, 2012

You can’t always get what you want

31 Jan

As foretold, I said that I would update about the interview. I can’t say that the interview went the way I wanted but I can say that the interview taught me something about myself. It taught me that I don’t have to take the first position thrown to me, if something feels wrong then chances are something is wrong. I’ll give you the interview rundown without further adieu.

So, I arrive to the facility 20 minutes early as approximated, touch up on lip gloss and go in to introduce myself. Once called back I enter into a very swanky office suite and I am seated by a lady who is in her early 40’s, veneered teeth, false eyelashes, bleached hair and I’m not gonna lie, a very fierce demeanor; she was certainly intimidating ( although, certainly not the salt-of-the-earth type). We start with basic introductions, job basics, and what kind of experience I have ( none, clearly, just graduated). So then she asks me if I have applied anywhere else,  I have and listed a few places which included HRMC and Pikeville Medical Center and almost immediately she responds with “Dear God why would you want to move to eastern Kentucky?” Somewhat offended I responded with the fact that  this was where Adam’s family was from and I would consider moving there if offered a position, as with this job. The next question she asked me was if I could write prescriptions…being somewhat of a smart ass I responded with “No, I am a nurse, not a doctor.” She then proceeded to write out a long prescription in “medical language” and sat it in front of me and asked me to recite what this prescription entailed. I responded, correctly and I also stated, ‘I can read prescriptions all day everyday, I can dispense medications, but I cannot write a prescription as a nurse.’

Things got a little hairy and awkward after that, so we moved on to different topics and things got back into civil territory. She asked me where I saw myself in 5 years and I told her I would like to have my RN license and a steady career with a family. She said to me without missing a beat, “so you wouldn’t want to be in the same position as you are now?” WTF? No?! As a matter of fact most facilities would love for you to continue your education, so I was honestly a little shocked. The biggest shit storm of all was the fact that this lady WAS NOT a nurse, was NOT a cma, WAS NOT any part of the health care team, how dare she try to make sweeping judgements  about who I was or where I could foresee my future. Despite all things I got offered a second interview in London. I left and when I got out to my car, I had to think for a moment. Did I spend the hardest two years of my life struggling everyday throughout my education to be treated as if I was incompetent? Do I deserve to take the first job that will take me? If a raging bitch in the HR department treated me as if I were nothing, what is this facility really like?

I decided, after calling my mom, of course that I have worked way too hard to take a job like this, I may not have experience but that just means I am the most eager of all to learn. I may not answer interview questions the way that is “correct” but it just means that I have a mind of my own. Most importantly, any job that doesn’t want me to ‘be myself’, further my education , or be the best nurse that I can be is not deserving of my time. I called the facility, and told them I didn’t think this position was for me and that I honestly felt somewhat disrespected and that I thought my intelligence was being tested unfairly. They responded with, “I’m sorry you feel that way.” and hung up. These people are obviously assholes. I don’t think I took a loss, but I did learn that it can feel good to say no when something doesn’t feel right.

I’m still holding out hope for a job where I can be compassionate, nurturing and can also use my nursing skills. I know it will come.

You can’t always get what you want, but if you try sometime, you might find you get what you need.

xoxo

Jess

Rant

29 Jan

Judging by the title, no one will probably read this blog and I am just fine with that. I have just been a mess the past week. It has been filled with ups and downs and all arounds. It started on a heavy UP since Adam and I got to go see his family for a couple of  days in eastern Ky, it was great a well needed mini-getaway although I didn’t want to leave as soon as we needed to. All of my good energy washed down the drain after we arrived home,  I was prepared to cram with ATI and my handy NCLEX book for the rest of the week when I couldn’t find said NCLEX book and somehow I was locked out of my ATI account. So after 2 days of customer service, emails, and a very stout cussing to an ambivalent middle eastern man, my account was finally opened back up. May I just say I spent $500 on this program? Well thus far it has been a complete waste of time and money.

Long story short I have been cramming, I have been studying, I have been doing dosage calculations, calculating drip rates and learning far more about maternity nursing that I would ever care to know. But I also got a call for a job interview scheduled for tomorrow for a pain clinic in London, KY.  It is so much different trying to arrange yourself for a career interview because after all, this is it. No more working around school schedules or extra curriculars, you are handing over all of the knowledge you have been accumulating for most of your life and presenting it flawlessly and charmingly in hopes that in a 30 minute interview you can sell your time, effort and triumphs in education to a person who knows nothing about you other than what is on a resume. No big deal, right?

Well, I myself, am somewhat of a vain person. All people are really, if someone looks nice it somehow establishes trust or know how, or whatever. So, I went to look for some nice trousers for said interview today with Adam, bless his heart. I tried on and tried on in the women’s, petite, juniors and plus size departments and I have realized that I am short, round and shaped like a boy. My body measurements have to hold some kind of freakish record because I literally just wanted to die by the time I found a pair that semi-sort of-halfway fit my body. When I made it out to the car I literally just had to cry. Buying trousers should not have to be this demanding for anyone. It’s not the fact that I am round, or short or big bottomed with boy hips but the accumulation of all of these things that just makes it impossible for me to love my body.

I have got to get a grip on this body hate. It has been going on for almost 10 years. Even when I was a size 5, and cute as hell, some friend of mine was a size 3 with a rack the size of Kansas. Typical. At any rate, I have realized I have got to try to come to terms with the fact that I should be blessed with what I have, and that I have a great man who loves me no matter what. That will be the most rewarding part of any weight loss I achieve, knowing that I did it for me and not for anyone else.

New topic, friends. I somehow have seemed to drop in the friends department with my compulsive studying and bizarre sleeping habits and somehow being on a different level of maturity here recently. Not that I am by any means mature, I’m not but I guess a more appropriate term is career oriented. The number of friends I have that I really confide in, that I really connect with, and hell that really make an effort to make our friendship work as a two-part deal I can count on one hand. 2 years ago that would have crushed my soul but now I feel like the people who are meant to be in my life are there for a reason whether it is to talk about life or to kick back at the house and have a glass of wine. I don’t need to be at the bar 25/8 to try to win a drunken popularity contest with people who I mean nothing to anyways.

Well if you have indeed read this rant fest I am truly sorry because it is not entertaining in the slightest. I’ll put you out of your misery and update about the job search soon.

 

Kisses and Hugs,

Jess Terry

Just your typical intro

22 Jan

As a promise to myself, I have forced myself decided to start blogging again. I tried to start last year but my life was much, much to hectic to think I could properly assemble my thoughts into written form while in nursing school. A lot of things have changed in my life in the past 6-8 months. I am now wed to a beautiful and good spirited man named Adam, I am a recent LPN graduate *yay* which I am very proud of not only for making it through the most mentally, physically and emotionally challenging experience of my life, but also because I am the first in my family to graduate from college. Through the nursing school experience my body continued to grow larger and change, partially from poor eating habits, stress and discovering I have hypothyroidism but also because I came to find out about 4 months ago that I have polycystic ovarian syndrome.

At first, I thought I was having menstrual troubles as some women do, but I continued to realize I was gaining weight apparently for no reason at all. I went to the doctor and upon an ultrasound they found a very large “adnexal mass” which threw me into a cancer scare crisis but actually turned out to be an ovarian cyst, a very, very large ovarian cyst. It pained me through clinical, practicum and honestly I looked forward to my surgery in december. When December 21st arrived and I awoke in post-op I found out the cyst that had been paining me contained over a liter of fluid which was removed laparoscopically along with spots of endometirosis and several growths on my ovaries which praise the heavens turned out to all be benign. After recovering from surgery I was to start on a new form of birth control with much stronger hormones to prevent these cysts from coming back.

Last week, after a get together at my house with some girlfriends, I started experiencing the worst pain of my life landing me in the ER and finding out I had another cyst rupture along with another one that was present and in tact on my L ovary. Mind you, I had surgery only 3 weeks ago at that point. I am very worried about myself and also about my fertility for the future, thus I have decided as a nurse, and as a person who loves herself that I have got to try to get some kind of grip on this condition. I have decided to place myself not on a “diet” but on a reformed eating pattern, starting with eating 4-6 small meals of what I generally eat in one day but spacing the meals apart since I know as a PCOS sufferer that we are insulin resistant, so decreasing meal size along with eating more frequently will help my body digest and use food more efficiently. Over time I am going to start working in more healthy options and possibly go back to being a vegetarian. Not because I think eating animals is bad, or to cut back on calories but because I am totally against the way most animals are mass-produced as a crop and not as living things who deserve to live a full and somewhat fulfilled life with places to run and peck and graze. However, this is a different rant for a different time.

I will be keeping a food diary and will fill you guys in on how my progress is coming along (=

Keep yourself healthy to the best of your ability, keep your mind sharp to the best of your wit and do something to make yourself fulfilled today.

Blessed be. XO

 Nurse Jess.