Rant

29 Jan

Judging by the title, no one will probably read this blog and I am just fine with that. I have just been a mess the past week. It has been filled with ups and downs and all arounds. It started on a heavy UP since Adam and I got to go see his family for a couple of  days in eastern Ky, it was great a well needed mini-getaway although I didn’t want to leave as soon as we needed to. All of my good energy washed down the drain after we arrived home,  I was prepared to cram with ATI and my handy NCLEX book for the rest of the week when I couldn’t find said NCLEX book and somehow I was locked out of my ATI account. So after 2 days of customer service, emails, and a very stout cussing to an ambivalent middle eastern man, my account was finally opened back up. May I just say I spent $500 on this program? Well thus far it has been a complete waste of time and money.

Long story short I have been cramming, I have been studying, I have been doing dosage calculations, calculating drip rates and learning far more about maternity nursing that I would ever care to know. But I also got a call for a job interview scheduled for tomorrow for a pain clinic in London, KY.  It is so much different trying to arrange yourself for a career interview because after all, this is it. No more working around school schedules or extra curriculars, you are handing over all of the knowledge you have been accumulating for most of your life and presenting it flawlessly and charmingly in hopes that in a 30 minute interview you can sell your time, effort and triumphs in education to a person who knows nothing about you other than what is on a resume. No big deal, right?

Well, I myself, am somewhat of a vain person. All people are really, if someone looks nice it somehow establishes trust or know how, or whatever. So, I went to look for some nice trousers for said interview today with Adam, bless his heart. I tried on and tried on in the women’s, petite, juniors and plus size departments and I have realized that I am short, round and shaped like a boy. My body measurements have to hold some kind of freakish record because I literally just wanted to die by the time I found a pair that semi-sort of-halfway fit my body. When I made it out to the car I literally just had to cry. Buying trousers should not have to be this demanding for anyone. It’s not the fact that I am round, or short or big bottomed with boy hips but the accumulation of all of these things that just makes it impossible for me to love my body.

I have got to get a grip on this body hate. It has been going on for almost 10 years. Even when I was a size 5, and cute as hell, some friend of mine was a size 3 with a rack the size of Kansas. Typical. At any rate, I have realized I have got to try to come to terms with the fact that I should be blessed with what I have, and that I have a great man who loves me no matter what. That will be the most rewarding part of any weight loss I achieve, knowing that I did it for me and not for anyone else.

New topic, friends. I somehow have seemed to drop in the friends department with my compulsive studying and bizarre sleeping habits and somehow being on a different level of maturity here recently. Not that I am by any means mature, I’m not but I guess a more appropriate term is career oriented. The number of friends I have that I really confide in, that I really connect with, and hell that really make an effort to make our friendship work as a two-part deal I can count on one hand. 2 years ago that would have crushed my soul but now I feel like the people who are meant to be in my life are there for a reason whether it is to talk about life or to kick back at the house and have a glass of wine. I don’t need to be at the bar 25/8 to try to win a drunken popularity contest with people who I mean nothing to anyways.

Well if you have indeed read this rant fest I am truly sorry because it is not entertaining in the slightest. I’ll put you out of your misery and update about the job search soon.

 

Kisses and Hugs,

Jess Terry

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2 Responses to “Rant”

  1. Lynda williams January 29, 2012 at 8:59 pm #

    Jess, I fully understand your frustrations with life right now and it is perfectly normal given your underlying circumstances. Shaina was in a size 15 last jan. I put her in program with dr Julie swindler a Bariatrics and she is now in a size 7 and feeling do much better. Call me sometime. This may be an option for you. It is safe, you are under a dr care, and it works.

  2. Samuel Nikolai Emmitt January 29, 2012 at 9:48 pm #

    Maybe not entertaining, but definitely real. I’m glad you have a good outlet for the frustrations though. Do I need to go yell at a programmer for you? $500 is a lot to be spending on rubbish. Anyway, I leave you with my favorite message of all; eat,drink and be merry since you can’t do it all over again. 🙂

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