Hazy Days as they say…

26 Feb

I find it somewhat upsetting that I haven’t blogged in almost a month but I gotta get real with you guys, I’ve been living in a sad place mentally. I’ll take you guys back to my NCLEX experience to start off with since that has possibly been my biggest accomplishment in 3 weeks.

The NCLEX for those of you fortunate enough NOT to know about the horrors of what nursing students experience, is a proctored exam that is a deadly beast of myths alluding to what is and isn’t on the test and what may or may not be a graded question and overall a terrifying thing that you invest around 300 dollars into which supposedly tells you if you are quality material to pass as a licensed nurse. But let me tell you what I know of the NCLEX, the NCLEX is a horrifyingly painful experience that tests what you are made of under pressure, it tests how quickly it takes your brain to turn into a vegetable from unrealistic nursing scenarios and it tells the state how you test under this pressure and how well you deal with being treated like a common criminal.

Here’s how it happened for me:

Arrived at facility 20 mins early.

Saw the people I was testing with. All equally terrified and somehow disgustingly positive.

Vomited frappucino in toilet.

Was escorted to the room where we take a number, give personal info, give fingerprints,give  palm vein scans (really), get a mug shot, and a key to a locker where we deposit all of our crap.

Taken to a room before the testing room where we empty pockets, are instructed not to look around, breathe heavily, sniff loudly, act “suspiciously” because we are being recorded on audio and video and basically to abandon all hope before ye enters here. Oh! And we get finger printed again in case anyone decided to pull a Houdini in a locked room; clearly we are not to be trusted.

After our identity has been verified both by fingerprint and palm vein scan we are escorted to our numbered seat and given the go ahead. Once the test starts, I feel somewhat calm.

After about question 6, I feel like my questions must be over quantum physics because I realize my brain has turned into donkey shit. Or that’s what it felt like. Essentially I used every fiber of memory to piece together some bogart of an answer and hope it’s right.

Test cuts off at question 85, the minimum number. I feel defeated.

Gather my shit, go to bathroom and vomit again. Violently.

Go to car, call mother, cry, laugh, cry again. Arrive home..sleep…cry..laugh…google quantum physics…cry because I was wrong about what quantum physics actually were…laugh again, because I am, in fact, a dumb ass. 

Now when the next morning arrives I am promptly trolling the KBN website…and a boy who took the NCLEX with me is now a LPN and I…..am not. I check again in 15 minute intervals until I have a nervous breakdown and realize I am a failure at life.

2 hours later, while driving, I am bitching to my friend Kim, and I do mean bitching, when she says uh..yeah so it says you’re an LPN…I just checked. *BOOM* *HEAD EXPLODES*

So anyways that’s how the NCLEX went. I had an interview the next week that went great….except they didn’t call me back for the job. Cool life. Basically, the past 3 weeks I have been putting in endless applications and never getting a call or email and when I ask why it is because these people say “I have no experience”.  I JUST GRADUATED, HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET EXPERIENCE IF NO ONE WILL HIRE ME YOU CHIMPS???

I’m not bitter, no, I am simply unequipt will the will power to control emotions these days. So next week I will start applying at nursing homes and do the one thing I said I would never do. But I need money and I need “EXPERIENCE” so I guess I’ll just have to suck it up and live in a sad, sad world where I love all of my patients who have all the wisdom of the world, countless life achievements and families who a lot of  times do not give a rats behind about these poor, sweet souls, oh yeah and then they die. Sounds great.

But, that’s what I’ll do.

Now, concerning my health, me and Adam have been doing amazingly well at not eating out as much anymore and my eating patterns have vastly improved. We started doing yoga last week and I LOVE it although I am no good at it. It really helps me improve my breathing and also to calm my high-strung nonsense down, really I think I have the thinking pattern of Dr. Suess sometimes. I need more exercise though, that’s what I’m struggling with the most. So Tuesday me and Adam are going hiking and I’m very excited about that 🙂 I love being outside. Bad news, I think the cyst on my left ovary is getting bigger, it really hurts when I bend quickly, sneeze or do anything that is not natural, which apparently includes my lack of dancing ability because that’s when I really noticed it the other day. 😦

Setbacks, compromise, ill-health and trying to lose weight. Sounds like a lot of things old people do.

I don’t give a shit. I’ve gotta start living my life.

xx

Jess

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One Response to “Hazy Days as they say…”

  1. Linda February 26, 2012 at 8:05 pm #

    Nursing isn’t all that people think it is but nursing is a very rewarding job and with a little experience then you will easily be able to move from one job to another. Best of Luck with your job hunt. Nursing homes isn’t that bad to work for because a lot of the times they are like a mini hospital.

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