Archive | July, 2014

Finding the high road

14 Jul

I’ve really needed to blog for a few days now, but I’m just now getting the time to. Time always slips away on your days off.

Anyways, this week was my first week off of orientation, actually working by myself. Tuesday before work I was scared stupid, but when I got to work, my assignment had no time for nerves. I was very grateful. Night 2 was more stressful but alas, I made it through. As with every night at work there was a lesson learned, but last week someone from my past came into view. This someone wasn’t very nice to me in high school, and honestly I wasn’t very nice right back. Lo and behold, right down the hallway there she was, looking lost, looking sad and looking at me. Here I was at some weird crossroads struggling to keep up the poker face. Something unexpected happened at that moment, in that situation, I realized the only act more satisfying than revenge, was mercy. Needless to say, I spoke to her, I offered condolences for her loss, I gave her a hug and she cried. It was awkward, but I didn’t stop her. Maybe she just needed some familiar face she’d seen in her life and a warm body to stand there and be quiet while she cried. Maybe I met that need for her. And that is the funny thing about mercy, it’s selfless in a moment. I would have done just as well to keep walking, eyes averted down the hallway, but maybe she wouldn’t have. Who knows.

I guess the point is that I felt like I broke a cycle, not with her, but with everyone. Past is past, and the longer time goes on the more we realize how unimportant petty conflict is. Sure you may have treated me badly, or worse, like I didn’t even exist back in high school but the moral of the story is that it didn’t matter in the end. I went out into the world and made myself the same as you did and we reap from our own crop. There’s no person responsible for your happiness anymore except yourself. God, I wish someone would have told me that in high school.
No longer are the days we are dictated by clubs or party invites or who our date is to prom. The people who are still your friends from those days make an effort to stay in your life, to attend important events, to get to know your children and that feels incredible! The ones who don’t make an effort, well, it’s their loss. Anyways, I plan to update later this week (fingers crossed)

Jess

(Ps: revenge is still sweet 😉 )